Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize