but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
