I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
