Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
