WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
