I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
