no, he came in my armpit
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
did you just send me my own nude
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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