im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
