i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
