I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize