we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
