My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
