tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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