i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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