and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
