No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
