I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
