Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
