Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
