Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
