Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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