Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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