I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
