I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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