But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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