dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
