I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Are my feet made of real feet?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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