I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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