If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
