i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
