the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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