So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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