I think I died a long time ago.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
