Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Come share oat with me in your robe
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize