You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
