i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The uberlube is also flammable
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
