seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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