a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
