Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Green mimosas i think yes
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
