I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
