Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
