Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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