Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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