found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
