got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
