I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
