your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
