Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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