I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
