No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
