The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
