Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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