My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
