At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
