Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
