i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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