Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
