Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
