guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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