I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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