is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
