so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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