I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
