Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
