I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize