come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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