Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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