mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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