Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
