dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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