you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
