i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I intend to get homeless drunk
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
